“They’re not real people until the second date.”
–Woman discussing her Tinder dates. (Sex On, HBO)




The people you have casual sex with are real people.

When I’m having casual sex with someone, it’s important to me that we treat each other with care and respect and basic human kindness.

Just because we’re casually having sex doesn’t mean we should stop treating each other like real people with real lives. So whether your human litterbug approach is due to simple disregard for other people who aren’t you or whether it’s some kind of mental game, it’s toxic, and I can’t have it in my life.

Some people have terrible time management and/or decision-making skills. Sometimes I myself can’t decide whether to put an ‘and’ or an ‘or’ as a qualifier, or both. But these are skills that can be learned. You’re not schedulistically-challenged. You just choose to treat other people like they’re not real people.

Some people have too much going on. I’m a huge fan of mistakes and imperfect people. In fact, people with pet peeves are my pet peeve. But there’s a difference between a mistake and a pattern, and if a mistake turns into a pattern, it ceases to be a mistake. You’re not chronically overbooked. You just choose to treat other people like they’re not real people.

Some people think casual sex is a form of disrespecting someone. It goes without saying (which are my favorite kinds of sayings) that this is nothing more than a form of thinly-disguised self-hatred. (Unless you genuinely hate the opposite gender, on which I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you don’t.)

If you catch yourself thinking, I’ve lost my respect for her/him now that I’ve fucked them, the real person here that has lost your respect is yourself. You’re not a victim of your culture and upbringing. You just choose to treat other people like they’re not real people.

Don’t fuck cardboard cutouts. Fuck real people.