or The Strawberry Orgasm

You’re a slideshow. A zoetrope of lust. For now, at least, you’re an avatar of sex itself and I will prostrate myself at your altar.

I hold on tight, the scent of strawberries mingling with my own, and I tumble shakingly into the first orgasm.

If we acknowledge that women are visual creatures then it puts more pressure on men to look good.

(About “ladies play/eat/enter free” deals:) I want to go somewhere and meet people, rather than being part of a meat market.

Pointing his hundred dollar crap camera at my ass, telling me to arch my back more, more, the men will want to see me arch my back, me painfully aware that my pussy looks like lunch meat from that angle, thinking no amount of arch is going to make that any more desirable.

Once you’ve seen each other naked (in a sexual way), there’s no going back to “friends.” It’s either “enemies” or “people who can still hang around each other but things still get awkward and after a couple drinks the subject of handjobs might come up.” At least that’s how I roll.

Sally had no fucking clue what she was doing in the kitchen, but boy could she FUCK.

(About her difficulties in writing:) I see glimpses of that depth, that rawness, sometimes, on good days, or good hours, when I can let go of my to do lists of busy work, stop doing the math on word counts, and say something human and real and scary. 

I don’t fantasize about a particular person or persons, boyfriend or celebrity. Mostly I focus on myself. It may seem narcissistic, but I prefer to think of it as practical: The more I can relax and hone in on my orgasm, the better/stronger/more raucous it will be.

I do not mean to diminish the oppression of people of colour or other minorities by comparing my experiences to apartheid and racism. It’s not that bad. Nonetheless, creating porn – even if it’s ethical, feminist porn – dooms me to working in the shadows, spurned, unsupported and pushed off into an online and offline ghetto. An “aporntheid”, if you will. I am discriminated against because I make porn.