How To

how to program a sex robot



how to program sex robot sexylittleideas


How to Program a Sex Robot: List-Based vs Open World
There are two ways to approach the programming of sexuality & sexual functions into a sex robot.

Sex can be envisioned as a set of serialized, goal-oriented tasks that must be accomplished in a given order by the bot. Or sex can be explored as an open world experience with side missions available that allow the bot to deviate from the primary objective in order to aggregate more experience/pleasure/adventure points.

In the list-based model, the bot is programmed with a number of checkpoints it must reach with its human partner. These may include items such as Comfort, Attraction, Consent, Arousal, Physical Stimulation, Climax, and finally Auto-Climax (if the bot’s reward system is programmed to include some kind of auto-climax function).

These checkpoints may not need to be reached in a strict chronological order: Consent, for instance, may come before or after Comfort. Certain thresholds would, however, have to be reached before others: Consent would need to come before Physical Stimulation, and Arousal would usually come before Climax.

A list-based model gives the bot a clear set of goals which may be reached by performing a varied but limited set of tasks. This simple, straightforward model avoids confusing the bot and ensures that a safe, acceptable-minimum level of pleasure is guaranteed to the human partner.

Open World
The open world model may still include many of the same primary objectives, but these are accompanied by a layer of secondary objectives which can be more open-ended. These secondary objectives can be treated as side missions which may or may not directly contribute to the primary sexual objectives, but which may be based on an alternative reward system made to emulate in some ways the human sense of adventure.

Having sex under the stars, for instance, may actually detract from the primary objectives of Arousal and Climax due to temperature or comfort factors. As such it would have no place in the list-based sexual model.

In the open world model, however, the bot is programmed to see value beyond its rote set of basic tasks, and perhaps even to recognize the uncommon as a kind of value in itself (within certain limitations). It is thus driven to seek experiences and adventures that deviate from the fundamental elements of its sexual functions.

This can then become a sort of ‘Let’s Try This…’ subroutine which can be inserted as an IF-THEN initiative loop to be presented to the human partner for final approval during any given sexual encounter.

Trying out new sexual functions, activities, locations, velocities, and angles may be added to the bot’s reward system as an expansion pack to ensure the bot’s programming continues to evolve as it learns new things, as well as to avoid monotony for the human partner. The bot’s primary objectives would, of course, still remain as overarching principles running in the background, gently guiding the side missions, and available to be completed whenever desired by the human partner.

how to win the next election


how win next election sexylittleideas

The Democrats have just proven that in order to win, you have to appeal to black voters.

White male voters are 50/50 assholes, Latino voters have shown that their vote may swing either way, and white women voters are also notoriously fickle. The only way to guarantee you’ll win a presidency is to have a candidate that gets black voters out to vote.

The last two Democrat landslides were, 1) stylish saxophonist Bill Clinton (with a magical 90% black voter approval rating) and, 2) Barack Obama. The other party will probably always have a white candidate for the near future, so that demographic will always be pretty much wrapped up or at least hotly contested. If black voters have to choose between two white candidates, their vote could go either way, or could stay home. But if they get to choose between a white candidate and a black candidate, which candidate do you think the vast majority of black voters would be more likely to trust?

And any candidate who can win the trust of the majority of black voters, will win the election. A liberal black candidate who automatically gets the liberal white vote, the liberal Latino vote, the gay vote, and the black vote will landslide every time.

If the Democrats figure this out first, then our next few presidents will be Democrat and black, not necessarily in that order.

Until the Republicans catch up and start thinking about being able to stomach putting persons of color on their ticket.

Then it will be anyone’s game again.

how not to say no to sex



or Consent vs Nonsense

Dear Amber Rose,

I can go to a restaurant, sit down at a table, fold my napkin on my lap, call a waiter over, & then tell them that I don’t want anything to eat. I might not be welcomed back to the restaurant though.

I can spend years training to be an astronaut, pass my medical, physical, and psychological tests, become an expert in navigating the harsh environment of space, suit up, climb into a rocket, prep all systems for launch, and then let Houston know that I don’t actually want to go to the moon. No one’s going to force me to go to the moon.

I can run for president, throw millions of my own dollars into my campaign, travel incessantly around the country, perform all sorts of ethically dubious tricks to get voters on my side, by some miracle claim a decisive victory where it matters, and then refuse to go to intelligence briefings and tell my VP and Cabinet to do my job while I comb my hair in front of a golden mirror. My backers might feel cheated; but political, social, and sexual norms are very different from laws; and I wouldn’t be breaking any (laws, that is).

I am also well within my rights to go to the farmer’s market and stock up on beautiful, ripe, organic produce; go home and finely chop that produce into a delicious tossed salad; fire up the grill and cook up a piping hot grilled steak to round off my meal; and then throw that entire meal into the garbage and go to bed hungry. I can do that. I am allowed to change my mind.

The thing is, if I make a habit out of building walls and then banging my head against them, I might raise some eyebrows among the mental health professional community.

There are no laws against schizophrenic self-sabotage. So yes, you can say no to anything at any time. You can also say yes to anything at any time. I say yes to being a legendary rock star every day; doesn’t mean I am one.

If you take the ‘sense’ out of ‘consensual,’ all you’re left with is a big, fat con.

It might be helpful if we talked more CONsent and less NONsense.

why you should make a sex tape


why sex tape sexylittleideas

All Millennials should make a sex tape while they’re young. Your sex tape is your backup plan, just in case you don’t get rich and famous with your Plan A.

By all means, keep studying nutrition or makeup or improv comedy, or whatever sparkly pseudo-career you believe will be your primary path to the prosperity and adulation you deserve.

But have that sex tape in your back pocket just in case it doesn’t work out. Here are a few tips for making your sex tape:

  • Both partners must agree to share full creative control. That way, if one of you doesn’t like how it came out, you have the peace of mind to know that you can just throw that scene away and try again.

  • It’s important to sincerely commit to making the film sexy, passionate, and beautiful. You owe it to your future fans.

  • Many amateur male porn stars find that the increased expectations of being in front of a camera may give them performance anxiety. Bring Viagra just in case.

  • There is a reverse pay gap in porn industry earnings. A 60-40 percentage split in her favor is a reasonable place to start your profit negotiations (assuming both parties invest equally – presumably zero at the beginning – in production and marketing).

  • Keep in mind that her face and body will be the film’s center of attention. As the star of the film, she can expect a lot more of both the inconveniences and the opportunities from the film than he.

  • If you aren’t comfortable with appearing on camera, wear a mask or an eyeshade. Mardi Gras masks can be both sexy and concealing without distracting from the action.

  • You can either just set the camera somewhere and forget about it, or film from his and/or her point of view. POV scenes are all the rage.

how to fuck a zombie


how to fuck a zombie sexylittleideas

or Bed of the Dead

No, not an actual reanimated corpse.

A Zombie is someone who mostly just lays there during sex and expects you to do all the heavy lifting.

A consenting Zombie.

Zombies may rise from their grave to twitch or spasm from time to time, and they may even make faint, postmortem moaning sounds with their mouths. Don’t let these slight aberrations fool you. A Zombie is a Zombie and must be fucked in a certain way.

Despite the age of sexual enlightenment in which we are supposedly currently steeped, there are still a surprising amount of Zombies roaming our streets, nightclubs, hookup apps, and bedrooms. Here is how to successfully fuck a Zombie should you ever encounter one.

Unless you’re into the whole Zombie thing, it’s up to you to turn yourself on. This usually requires either objectification or imagination.

If you are the kind of person who can focus on a certain attribute or body part (Look at these big titties!) rather than feeding off the sexual energy between you (or starving off the lack of it), you shouldn’t have a problem. If you are not that kind of person, you may have to use your imagination.

Picture a recent sexual encounter or a favorite sexual fantasy – anything to keep your mind (and body) in the game. One of the saddest things you can picture is an idealized version of your partner – how beautiful and sensual she or he would be if they would actually move around. Tragic though it may be, it’s worth it if it works to give both of you a more satisfying sexual experience.

Again, if you are into the whole control thing, this shouldn’t be a problem for you.

If not, get into it.

If you don’t take control, you will be tediously rocking back and forth in the same gently-stacked position for the entire disappointing duration. The Zombie Problem is one of the reasons married couples usually just end up falling into the lackluster sex patterns they are known for (Married Sex Syndrome).

If you can learn to take control and enjoy it, the Zombie Problem will practically solve itself. In fact, if you enjoy being in control, a Zombie could be a perfect match for you. There’s nothing worse than two live people who are simultaneously trying to take control, but that’s a problem for a different post.

Where Imagination is what will make your Zombie Experience exciting and Control is what will make it satisfying, Creativity is what will make it fun.

Since your Zombie, by definition, is trusting in you to make all the moves, feel free to go a little wild. Conventional Sex is for Conventional Partners; Zombies are for having fun.

And no, this isn’t permission to push the boundaries beyond what your Zombie is comfortable with – make sure your Zombie knows they are free to pass on anything at any time. Creativity is not coercion; Creativity is consensual initiative.

If you’re not the spontaneous type, give a bit of thought beforehand to things you would like to try out with your Zombie. You can make brief mental notes to refer to during your Zombie Apocalypse in case you find yourself drawing a blank in the moment (like: Mirror or Blindfold or Chair).

Zombies have needs too. As the leader, it’s your job to be sensitive to your Zombie’s needs.

If your sexual partner is bad at articulating (physically or verbally) what they like, it’s up to you to figure it out. Try different degrees on different spectrums: Slow to Fast, Light to Heavy, Shallow to Deep, Perpendicular to Circular, Whisper to Scream, Wet to Extremely Wet. Try to tune your frequency finely to theirs so that you can pick up the faint signals they may be sending out.

Night of the Living Dead
There are varying degrees of Zombie. A perfectly live human may have Zombie Lips or Zombie Hips. Zombies rarely know that they are Zombies, which is why communication is so important. If you think you may be a Zombie, or you wish your partner were less of one, pick their brains on the subject a bit and try to get their perspective.

There are different degrees of physical activity and sexual energy in every sexual encounter, and unless both of you are on the exact same page, every encounter may have one body that is undeader than the other. You may be fucking a Zombie today, but you may be one tomorrow. So have some empathy and try to give your Zombie a good time.

10 commandments of courteous casual sex


casual sex commandments sexylittleideas

or Honor Among Hookups

  • #1. If I text you and you don’t text me back for days, you go from ‘Friend’ status to ‘Two People Who Use but Don’t Respect Each Other’ status.

  • #2. If you tell me you’re going to do something and then don’t, I reserve the right to tell you I am going to do something and then not do it.

  • #3. If we’re gonna hang out, we have to like each other. If we’re just gonna occasionally have sex and go our separate ways, liking each other’s personality is less important.

  • #4. If we have plans, me and you, it’s polite to let me know if your plan also involves your friends or your sister or your officemates hanging out with us and for how long.

  • #5. If you’re a dick to me once or twice or every once in a while, I understand, we all have tough times. But if you’re a dick to me 4 or 5 times in a row, you’re just a dick. (more…)

how to tell how attractive a man really is


how to tell how attractive man sexylittleideas
or The Pursuit of Pussy

Men throughout history have been generally straightforward in their definition of attractive women. And although the details may have evolved slightly, it pretty much has always come down to some combination of looks + bod + nothing else.

Women, on the other hand, are well known for being far less straightforward in their definition of attractive men. A man can be too muscular or too pretty or too nice. Perfectly beautiful men can open their mouths and somehow ruin things. Short men statistically get more sex than tall men. Something as nebulous as a sense of humor can elicit a sexual response. Inexplicably, old ass politicians are still on millions of bucket fuck-it lists. And we’ve all seen that ugly little bald man with the pot belly and loads of attitude who gets laid way more than us.

But there is a way to objectively determine how attractive a man really is (to women) by measuring one factor and one alone. There is one attitude that can be objectively observed and explicitly examined that can show and tell us once and for all how attractive that man really is to a large percentage of women.

You can tell how attractive a man really is by how sick he is of pussy.

‘Attractive’ in this context doesn’t refer to physical appearance only. It refers to a confluence of qualities – social skills, alpha-ness, money, power, confidence, humor, looks, body – that women find attractive.

‘Sick’ in this context doesn’t refer to a permanent state of spurning. It refers to circumstances in which a person gets enough of a thing so that he/she may still enjoy it but isn’t constantly chasing it.

This observation works to a much lesser extent with assessing the attractiveness of women: because all girls can get most dick most of the time. (That means that all women – big or small, rich or poor, young or old – pretty much walk around in a permanent state of sick of dick.)

But most men can’t.

Most men have to work hard for their pussy, and they value it, they appreciate it, and they cherish it.

But not the attractive man.

Because it’s a simple fact of nature that the more you get of something the less motivated you are to chase it. So the more attractive a man really is, the more pussy will fall in his lap, and therefore the less motivated he will be to chase it.

Think about that the next time you see that beautiful, perfect, sociable man, metaphorically on his knees just begging for that girl to go home with him. He just must not be essentially that attractive after all.

Think about it the next time your friend with the chiseled abs and the golden hair is running around chasing another skirt. There must be something, and I don’t know what it is, but I guarantee there is something about him that women just don’t find that attractive.

Think about how much time you spend in pursuit of pussy.

blind taste test


blind taste test sexylittleideas
A Thought Experiment

The Blind Taste Test is a thought experiment that can be helpful in one way and very unhelpful in another.

I’m straight and she’s gay and you’re confused.

Imagine the three of us on three separate beds in a row completely naked. Three curtains hang down from the roof to fall around our waists separating our lower halves from our upper halves. We can’t see our feet. We can’t see anything below our naked waists. (Blind.)

Then, imagine that three entities (soft, wet, amorphous), invisible to us behind the curtains, begin to do things to our hidden lower halves. Very pleasant things. Things we like. Exactly the things we like. (Taste.)

We have no idea of their identities or genders (male, female, toy, robot). All we know is how they make us feel. And it’s wonderful. The three of us just close our eyes and relax. (Test.)

How this thought experiment can be unhelpful to us is by identifying the genders behind the curtains and saying, that one was a man and you liked it so you’re homosexual, that one was also a man and she liked it so she’s heterosexual, and that one was a robot and I liked it so I’m technosexual.

The fact is, our bodies are machines too, and machines respond when the right buttons are pressed. When you run hard, you sweat, even if you’re late for an important meeting and you don’t want to arrive all sweaty. You sweat when you exert yourself whether you want to or not. That’s your body’s physiological response. Laughing when you are tickled doesn’t mean you’re having a good time. Your physiological response to tickling doesn’t determine your state of mind.

And your physiological response to sexual stimulation doesn’t determine your sexuality.

How this thought experiment can be helpful to us is by identifying what goes through our minds while our bodies are being made to feel great (what we are imagining is behind the curtain). What goes through our head is an actual choice we can make, and we can even try different things, cycle through various options (blonde, redhead, Johnny Depp, Hitachi Magic Wand) to see what makes us feel best and what magnifies our body’s pleasure into a state of increased mental arousal.

Identifying what goes through our minds in response to unknown sexual stimulation can be a judgement-free way to help us discover important things about our sexuality.

I am imagining a beautiful woman with full, red lips. She is imagining a tall, slender woman with slender fingers and one side of her head shaved.

And you, what are you imagining?

how to become poly


how to become poly sexylittleideas

“How do you do it?”

How do I do what?

“When you’re seeing a girl, how do you keep from falling madly in love with her?”

I do fall madly in love with her.

“So then you stop seeing other girls?”

No, because I’m also madly in love with them.


I get asked this regularly.

“I wanna be single, but I keep falling in love. How do you keep yourself from falling in love with just one person?”

How does grass grow.

How are gay men attracted to men.

The answer is: you don’t do ‘it.’ There is no ‘it’ to do.

You ‘are’ it.

You don’t become poly.

You are poly.

Or you aren’t.

Stop trying so hard.

how to be sex positive


how to be sex positive bible sexylittleideas
or A Sex Positive Bible

I think some people were born monogamists, and some were born monogamish, and some were born polyamorous, and some were born gay, and some were born bi, and some were born religious, and this is all normal and okay as long as consent and respect is involved.

I think pickup artists, prostitutes, feminists, and Christians alike all have their reasons for what they do, and I respect that.

I think it’s possible to be an honest, respectful, sex positive (Christian, prostitute, pickup artist, feminist).

It’s only when we try to use our gene-mashup to take consent out of the equation (kids, animals, coercion, force) that we have to draw a line.

I think that being sex positive means being positive about sex and about all the bright and scandalous colors in the sex positive community spectrum.

If a monogamist is positive about sex while adhering to his moral principles and not raping… his wife… then I can respect that. If a pickup artist is positive about sex while being the best version of himself and not lying or coercing, I can respect that. If a feminist is positive about sex while believing firmly that men are dogs or bicycles, but not stooping to violence against the male gender, I can respect that. If a Christian is positive about sex while staunchly going to church and respecting alternative lifestyles, I can respect that. If a gay or bisexual man is positive about sex while sucking that cock and not creeping on straight guys, I can respect that.

We’re all a proud dynasty of sex positivity, and we’re beautiful, and I love it.

If we start bickering among ourselves we take a little bit of the positive out of the sex. And we step a little closer to being intolerant (like ‘them’).

If you are sex positive in any way and you are offended by something you read here, don’t be. It’s (abundantly) clear from the context of this site the respect and support I have for (women, swingers, men, sex workers, families, religion, kink, LGBTQIA). And for YOU.

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