Profound

joe solves the music biz

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People who mourn ‘the death of the music business’ must also think that if all the prostitutes disappeared, no one would ever have good sex again.

Those people mistake the music industry for the music itself.

Music is math. Music is art. Music is invisible waves of air. Music doesn’t naturally fit into any business model. If you want to make money off yet another simple human pleasure, you have to make it fit.

If you wanna pimp it out, it’s up to you to lure the starry-eyed amateurs, tell them they’re special, sweet talk them into running away with you (because only you can offer them protection), coerce them into hitting the roads to make you money, then break their legs if they disobey you. And it’s up to you to tell the lonely johns that your shit is the only the good shit in town so they will be duped into buying from you.

The music business complaining about its lost revenue is like Facebook complaining when you hang out with your real life friends. Honey, you didn’t invent friendship, you didn’t make it better, & there is a valid argument that suggests you might have made it worse.

Adding financial incentive to art has the same effect as adding sugar to food. It ends up making the product more addictive, because more consumption equals more money. But like food weaponized with sugar, or friendship weaponized with likes, music weaponized with capitalism doesn’t intrinsically make better music.

Big Tobacco, Big Oil, Big Pharma, & Big Social Media are made by big crooks who don’t care about health or humanity or friendship or you or even the quality of their own product. The only thing the Bigs care about is how much of their stuff they can trick you into repeatedly buying so they can show quarterly profits to their partners in Big Business.

Big Music is no exception.

Radio didn’t kill the music business. Neither did video or cassette or the internet or piracy or streaming.

We’re all just slowly waking up & realizing how absurd the music business was to begin with.

joe explains how to be cool.

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‘Cool’  means not caring what people think. At least that’s what they say.

They’re lying to you.

Being cool isn’t not caring; it’s caring way too much.

Let’s break it down a bit.

If you don’t care about what car you have or what clothes you wear (for example), you probably won’t end up with a cool car and cool clothes. You’ll end up looking like a homeless guy and driving a Prius. You’ll make logical rather than aesthetic choices because you’ll only think about the bare minimum necessary for survival. You might select clothes for temperature and cars for efficiency, because you care enough not to die or get stranded, but definitely not enough to step back and think, Wow, Elizabeth Taylor would have looked great in this.

On the other hand, if you do care what people think, then you will probably look cool (it’s not that difficult).

But you won’t be cool.

gingerbread house of cards

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Celebrating Christmas is like trying to enjoy House of Cards after the #MeToo movement.

Yes, it’s a fun TV show, but because Kevin Spacey raped a bunch of kids when he was younger, that kind of ruins all the fun.

House of Cards, like Christmas, began as something innocuous & entertaining. Then it became something ugly, so it was canceled by humanity until it could root out all its ugliness from within. Until it does that, however, there are plenty of OTHER shows to watch so we don’t have to think about that particular one.

Celebrating Christmas as a non-religious holiday doesn’t work either. When you say you celebrate Christmas for the children or the family or for some other meaning you arbitrarily assigned to it, all you’re doing is ignoring-ergo-fueling the perversion. It’s like saying, “In my house, we watch House of Cards not a showcase for a child rapist but as a political celebration.”

In other words, “I make it pure because I am naive.”

No, you don’t.

I wish it worked that way, but it doesn’t.

We can do better than this.

joe solves casual sex.

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“They’re not real people until the second date.”
–Woman discussing her Tinder dates. (Sex On, HBO)




The people you have casual sex with are real people.

When I’m having casual sex with someone, it’s important to me that we treat each other with care and respect and basic human kindness.

Just because we’re casually having sex doesn’t mean we should stop treating each other like real people with real lives. So whether your human litterbug approach is due to simple disregard for other people who aren’t you or whether it’s some kind of mental game, it’s toxic, and I can’t have it in my life.

Some people have terrible time management and/or decision-making skills. Sometimes I myself can’t decide whether to put an ‘and’ or an ‘or’ as a qualifier, or both. But these are skills that can be learned. You’re not schedulistically-challenged. You just choose to treat other people like they’re not real people.

Some people have too much going on. I’m a huge fan of mistakes and imperfect people. In fact, people with pet peeves are my pet peeve. But there’s a difference between a mistake and a pattern, and if a mistake turns into a pattern, it ceases to be a mistake. You’re not chronically overbooked. You just choose to treat other people like they’re not real people.

Some people think casual sex is a form of disrespecting someone. It goes without saying (which are my favorite kinds of sayings) that this is nothing more than a form of thinly-disguised self-hatred. (Unless you genuinely hate the opposite gender, on which I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you don’t.)

If you catch yourself thinking, I’ve lost my respect for her/him now that I’ve fucked them, the real person here that has lost your respect is yourself. You’re not a victim of your culture and upbringing. You just choose to treat other people like they’re not real people.

Don’t fuck cardboard cutouts. Fuck real people.

 

joe solves global warming.

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Global warming causes…
Male sperm count to go down, which equals…
Less babies, which equals…
Less humans, which means…
Less pollution, and ergo…
Global warming solved.

Here it is in equation form:

Global warming = low male sperm count = less babies = less humans = less pollution = no global warming.

Folks, it’s a self-solving problem.

 

i only lie to religious girls

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religious girls sexylittleideas


Any adult person who is religious deserves to be lied to.

The one thing religious people & atheists agree on is that there is no proof behind religious belief systems, & there probably never will be.

If you are a religious person who has put any thought into your beliefs, you understand that they are not supported by any verifiable facts or data.

By believing things that are not supported by facts & have no basis in concrete evidence or even strong suggestion, what you are saying is that facts don’t matter to you.

If facts don’t matter to you, then the difference between true & false is a very blurry line.

If the difference between true & false is blurry, honey, then yes, I stayed late at the office, “working.”

how to program a sex robot

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how to program sex robot sexylittleideas

 

How to Program a Sex Robot: List-Based vs Open World
There are two ways to approach the programming of sexuality & sexual functions into a sex robot.

Sex can be envisioned as a set of serialized, goal-oriented tasks that must be accomplished in a given order by the bot. Or sex can be explored as an open world experience with side missions available that allow the bot to deviate from the primary objective in order to aggregate more experience/pleasure/adventure points.


List-Based
In the list-based model, the bot is programmed with a number of checkpoints it must reach with its human partner. These may include items such as Comfort, Attraction, Consent, Arousal, Physical Stimulation, Climax, and finally Auto-Climax (if the bot’s reward system is programmed to include some kind of auto-climax function).

These checkpoints may not need to be reached in a strict chronological order: Consent, for instance, may come before or after Comfort. Certain thresholds would, however, have to be reached before others: Consent would need to come before Physical Stimulation, and Arousal would usually come before Climax.

A list-based model gives the bot a clear set of goals which may be reached by performing a varied but limited set of tasks. This simple, straightforward model avoids confusing the bot and ensures that a safe, acceptable-minimum level of pleasure is guaranteed to the human partner.


Open World
The open world model may still include many of the same primary objectives, but these are accompanied by a layer of secondary objectives which can be more open-ended. These secondary objectives can be treated as side missions which may or may not directly contribute to the primary sexual objectives, but which may be based on an alternative reward system made to emulate in some ways the human sense of adventure.

Having sex under the stars, for instance, may actually detract from the primary objectives of Arousal and Climax due to temperature or comfort factors. As such it would have no place in the list-based sexual model.

In the open world model, however, the bot is programmed to see value beyond its rote set of basic tasks, and perhaps even to recognize the uncommon as a kind of value in itself (within certain limitations). It is thus driven to seek experiences and adventures that deviate from the fundamental elements of its sexual functions.

This can then become a sort of ‘Let’s Try This…’ subroutine which can be inserted as an IF-THEN initiative loop to be presented to the human partner for final approval during any given sexual encounter.

Trying out new sexual functions, activities, locations, velocities, and angles may be added to the bot’s reward system as an expansion pack to ensure the bot’s programming continues to evolve as it learns new things, as well as to avoid monotony for the human partner. The bot’s primary objectives would, of course, still remain as overarching principles running in the background, gently guiding the side missions, and available to be completed whenever desired by the human partner.

i didn’t give up my seat on the bus

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I didn’t give up my seat on the bus today to the tired, heavyset woman standing beside me.

What exactly is it that offends you about this?

If we are two organisms jostling around on a rock in a vacuum, I would say I think the arc of the moral universe is indifferent towards me keeping my seat. At this long term level of morality, you being offended makes no sense.

If it’s polite for a man to give his seat to a woman, I would say I think you’re a misogynist.

If the stronger should protect and care for the weaker, I would say I think this is the specific level of morality where you have the strongest argument. As the more capable being, I have a moral obligation toward beings less capable than myself, and to keep my seat would be the moral equivalent of a conquistador annihilating a tribe or an extraterrestrial annihilating the human race. If you look at the situation through a morally-nearsighted lens, I have a moral imperative to bequeath the poor soul my seat. At this short term level of morality, the high ground belongs to you.

If sitting is the new smoking, however, I would say I think my moral imperative would be to keep my secondhand smoke to myself. If sedentary lifestyles kill in the medium term, then I am doing this woman a favor by keeping her on her feet. I exercise a lot more than she does and am therefore more capable of assuming on my shoulders the considerable risks involved in sitting. She may or may not even literally tell her friends that she doesn’t need the gym because she gets her exercise standing on the bus every day for an hour.

If diminishing pain and maximizing pleasure is your morality, the minutes of discomfort she may have to endure today will save her from a world of pain in the future.

If by sitting in her stead, I can prolong her life for even a mere hour – by keeping her heart rate up, her muscles flexed, and her blood circulating, which in turn will increase her organs’ lifespan, her physical capability, and her quality of life – do I not owe it to her to snatch that seat away, to remove the danger that lies in her path? Am I not sacrificing my own wellbeing for hers?

Should not we all grab the seats for ourselves, laying down our lives on the altar for humanity? Or is humanity under the perpetual curse of an instinctively narrow purview of morality that prevents us from seeing into even the medium term much less the long term?

how to win the next election

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how win next election sexylittleideas


The Democrats have just proven that in order to win, you have to appeal to black voters.

White male voters are 50/50 assholes, Latino voters have shown that their vote may swing either way, and white women voters are also notoriously fickle. The only way to guarantee you’ll win a presidency is to have a candidate that gets black voters out to vote.

The last two Democrat landslides were, 1) stylish saxophonist Bill Clinton (with a magical 90% black voter approval rating) and, 2) Barack Obama. The other party will probably always have a white candidate for the near future, so that demographic will always be pretty much wrapped up or at least hotly contested. If black voters have to choose between two white candidates, their vote could go either way, or could stay home. But if they get to choose between a white candidate and a black candidate, which candidate do you think the vast majority of black voters would be more likely to trust?

And any candidate who can win the trust of the majority of black voters, will win the election. A liberal black candidate who automatically gets the liberal white vote, the liberal Latino vote, the gay vote, and the black vote will landslide every time.

If the Democrats figure this out first, then our next few presidents will be Democrat and black, not necessarily in that order.

Until the Republicans catch up and start thinking about being able to stomach putting persons of color on their ticket.

Then it will be anyone’s game again.

dirty money

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dirty money sexylittleideas


Men who are unhappy with their sex lives find solutions.

We buy porn and hire prostitutes. We invest in our sex lives because they matter that much to us.

Women who are unhappy with their sex lives… complain about it to their friends?

You rarely hear a man whining about how his wife can’t find his glans. If you aren’t doing something right in bed, we won’t fake an orgasm and go to sleep, we’ll show you how to do it right. And if you can’t learn, by God, we’ll find someone else who will, even if we have to pay them for it.

That’s how much of a shit we give.

Statistically speaking.

It’s telling that the disparity between people who complain about their sex lives and people who spend money on their sex lives is divided about equally across gender lines (estimated 25% of women regularly fake orgasms, & estimated 20% of men hire prostitutes). If I only drive cars that arrive on my doorstep for free, I would be a pretty shitty person if I complained about the condition of those cars.

And as they say, don’t look a gift cock in the mouth.

If you’re a woman and you complain about your sex life, tell me when’s the last time you demonstrated how much it mattered to you by spending money on it?

If you think porn is disgusting and way too male-oriented, tell me when’s the last time you paid for some you liked?

If your partner doesn’t do what you like in bed, tell me when’s the last time you hired someone who would?

Sex, like any other industry, follows the money.

So put your dirty money where your mouth is.

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