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hearsay over hard evidence

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hearsayoverhardevidence

kink lite, dead dresses, & sex robots: april- e[lust] 93

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aurora glory header elust 93 Photo courtesy of Aurora Glory

Welcome to Elust 93

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #94 Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!  

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dress to die for
Pushing Past
Necessary.  

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Kink lite, Kink life
Disturbance  

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

The Contract *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!  
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forced, monogamish, & dirty money: march- e[lust] 92

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Elust 92 Header Photo courtesy of Steeled Snake

Welcome to Elust 92

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #93 Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!  

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Feeling Forced
NEEDY – a black obsession
Monogamish  

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

“One Man Is Not Enough For You.”
blink  

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!   (more…)

truth, submission, and sex tapes: december- e[lust] 89

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Photo courtesy of Sex is My New Hobby

Welcome to Elust 89

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #90 Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!  

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

When the Tears Finally Came
The pure and simple truth
One Down  

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Disabilities & Submission, Part 2: I Say No
UnRepentant Darkness  

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Hoar Frost… *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

(more…)

sexylittlebloggers of 2016

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sex blog superheroes 2016 kinkly sexylittleideas

Kinkly.com (sex blog aggregator, sex talk titan, and king of kink) released their list of staff/reader picks for the Top Sex Bloggers of 2016. SexyLittleIdeas made some appearances, and they gave me this cool badge:

Kinkly Top 100 Blogger Badge

We ranked:

#3 in Top New Sex Blogs of 2016
top newsex blogs 2016 kinkly sexylittleideas


#4 in Top Sex Blog for/by Men of 2016
top men sex blogs 2016 kinkly sexylittleideas

and #65 overall (out of 100)

top sex blogs kinkly 2016 sexylittleideas


SexyLittleIdeas had previously had a falling out with former Kinkly contributor Bobbie Morgan from AGoodWomansDirtyMind.com over our article on How to Fake an Orgasm. As an apparent fan of real orgasms, it seemed Morgan appreciated neither the tongue of the article nor the cheek it was in. We figured our standing with Kinkly had come to an unhappy ending, and had forgotten completely about their annual sex blog rankings. Fortunately, however, I was wrong.

Congratulations to Wetlandia and Tickle Trunk, sex toy reviewers who kicked my ass in the new sex blogger category.

Shoutout to Dr. Justin Lehmiller from Sex and Psychology who totally deserved 1st place in the manly sex blogger category. And further congrats to The Big Gay Review and Just Indecorous, two more sex toy reviewers, for also kicking my ass as men and sex bloggers.

I would also like to shout out to one of my favorite sex blogs, PennysDirtyThoughts.com, who totally deserved 64th place.

And, again, if you would like to brush up on the finer points of How to Fake an Orgasm, please click the link.

ash, bdsm, and bad: october- e[lust] 87

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understanding-flutterby-header Photo courtesy of Understanding Flutterby

Welcome to Elust 87

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #88 Start with the rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

On Secret Identities
Dividing lines…
Ember and Ash  

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Bdsm: Our pleasures are our obligations
Southpaw  

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Change your Cookbook: a monogamuggle’s guide to cookin’ with poly folk *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!  

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

When Love is not enough.
the fantasy and reality of my arrival

Blogging

Shine a Light

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

When You’re Bad
How Women Use Their Sexuality As A Weapon
Dear Fans: Quit Kinkbashing
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joe johnstun – when you’re bad

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Joe Johnstun – When You’re Bad (official audio)
SexyLittleIdeas.com




Vodka
In a shot cup
With the sound up
And the Do Not Disturb us on the door
You’re an artist
In the darkness
I am breathless
And the bedsheets beg me, beg for more

You’re beautiful when you’re bad
You push me to the edge
You have it all when you’re bad
Your lipstick left on a cigarette
You dance on the table, dressed like a lady,
Drinking and driving me crazy



Photographer: Ricardo Ramos
Model: Joe Johnstun
Written, Produced, Performed by: Joe Johnstun (my first official single ever, yay!)

Buy on iTunes
Stream on Spotify
Free on Soundcloud






Sinful Sunday

slut is stronger than shame

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slut stronger than shame sexylittleideas
or Why Slut-Shaming Doesn’t Work


Slut-shaming, by its very definition, attacks women more than men.

If the point of shaming is to decrease the targeted behavior, it follows then that women should be having less sex than men. But following the shame train of thought down its reprehensible rabbithole, who then would be left for all those man-studs and man-whores to have sex with?


This leads us to one of two conclusions:

1) Everyone is having less sex.
If women get slut-shamed more than men, and this shaming works to encourage women to stop having so much sex, overall heterosexual sex rates will go down because there will be fewer women-sluts for those man-studs to have sex with.

2) Slut-shaming doesn’t work.
If heterosexual sex rates do not go down, obviously the slut-shaming is not having the desired effect. The ‘slut’ is stronger than the ‘shame.’



This 2013 study from George Mason University shows that shaming actually encourages the shamed criminal to return to his bad behavior:
“The distinction between shame and guilt may seem at first like semantic hair-splitting, but it’s actually very important in studying punishment and rehabilitation. Feelings of guilt are focused on a particular act: ‘I did a bad thing by stealing (apples).’ By contrast, feelings of shame focus painfully on the self: ‘I am a bad person because I stole (apples).’ When people are guilty – as proclaimed by a judge, for example – they experience remorse and regret, and they want to make reparations. But people who are shamed feel generally diminished, worthless – and defensive.” (Emphasis mine.)

Which leads us to conclude that slut-shaming is an all around bad idea: it makes people feel of less worth (bad for the -shamed), but it doesn’t actually change their behavior (bad for the -shamer).

  • Maybe slut-shamers would be better off as slut-guilters – focusing on the behavior instead of the person. But that would require them to actually care about changing the behavior instead of just making the other person feel bad.
  • Maybe this important distinction shows up slut-shamers for what they actually are interested in: diminishing the slut, not the sluttiness.
  • But most maybe of all, maybe evolution will eventually sort out slut-shaming like it already has with other vestigial appendages of dysfunctional human society.
  • Like religion and muscles.

why the Friend Zone should be the Unfriend Zone

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why friend zone should be unfriend zone toxic sexylittleideas

 

or The Friend Zone Is Toxic

 

Does it make you uncomfortable when someone does something to you that you don’t want?

Me too.

You only want to be friends if there’s no flirting involved. I only want to be friends if there’s lots of flirting involved.

It might sound mean, but I have personal reasons.

I’m attracted to you. I think you’re crazy hot.

This means one of two things.

      One, maybe you’re not attracted to me. Me being attracted to you and you not being attracted to me will create an imbalance of power in the friendship between us. Friendships based on power imbalances are toxic.
      Two, you ARE attracted to me. If you ARE attracted to me, then that also means one of two things.
          Either you’re hiding from me how you feel.
          Or you’re also lying to yourself.
          Friendships based on dishonesty or lack of self-awareness are toxic.

I’m sorry, but I can’t have toxic friendships in my life right now

haters

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haters sexylittleideas middle finger
or The Downside of Thinking Controversially


Some of these are direct messages/emails, some are on the Spanish language version of the site (roughly translated to English), and some of them are comments on the posts. Some of them are polite, some are ironic, some are thoughtful, some are warranted, some are threatening, and some of them are just downright hilarious. I love my haters.


Direct Messages:
– People like you are a plague to society, good night

– LISTEN ASSHOLE I WILL DEPORT YOUR ASS BACK TO THE STONE AGE MOTHER FUCKER FUCKING LOSER ONE MORE AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS STUPID SON OF A BITCH FUCK YOU TEST ME MOTHER FUCKER GO AHEAD TEST ME AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT MONEY CAN DO BROKE MOTHER FUCKER

– Your points aren’t easy to swallow? I wouldn’t put them in my mouth to vomit them out.


How to Make Love to a Friend Series:
– Wow. You will die alone!

– Wow, you’re kind of a creep. . . interesting.


Why the Steubenville Rape Culture Is a First World Problem:
– You are repugnant, inerudite and misguided. You have missed the point and come off as very naive, very provincial. YOU are as dangerous to society,as an idea, as the rapist are physically . Shame on you.

– I see a very nasty little child who is such a large hypocrite. I see you’re butthurt, as are your uneducated little sycophants. It is always interesting to see people name calling and implying and yet so offended when it is applied to THEM. SLI is clueless and really does not get the deeper meaning of this and why people are doing what they are doing. Good luck in your disaffected lives and hate. You;re just pissed because this repugnant article got posted to a site for psychopaths and many agree the author is damaged goods. I pity all of you. You can’t talk to people like yourselves who have ZERO critical thinking skills.


The Racism of Motherhood:
– What the fuck, man? Really? You make an absurd claim…


The Waaaambulance Race:
– You have problems with insecurity the problem is with you.


How to Fake an Orgasm:
– I’m really miffed on why you would want to share information on how to fake an orgasm. Being disingenuous and dishonest is worse that placating a lover’s ego.


Why Pick-up Artists Are Like Feminists:
– Wow, this is unpleasant


I Don’t Rape:
– You need to get laid more .!


How to Complain About Your Sex Life:
– Tried this once, and got no sex for months.


Eight? That’s All I Get?:
– i WILL kill you.


Desire Is Drop Dead:
– dude grow up 

– I AM NOW THREATENING YOU…YOU WILL SUFFER!!!!


– GOD .. GROW UP DUDE!


Fat-Shaming:
– your statements made me grind my teeth.

– Sorry but you’re mostly wrong.

– I have a feeling that even if I brought my endocrinologist to your door and had her explain the science behind my statements, you would disagree. You just seem like that kind of person. Fat shaming? Not cool. I would expect a “sex blogger” to be more open-minded regarding the human body.


Romance and Sensuality:
– Your a Moron


Small Things:
– You sir are a prize idiot, and only make this clearer the more you speak.

– Silence is golden dude, especially yours.


The Stoner Chapter:
– dude u have ABSoLUTELY ZERO idea wut ur talking about, ur just trying 2 sound brilliant but guess wut u sound STUPID.


The You Is Silent:
– GAY!


The Sexiest Language:
– You’re infuriating!!!!


Emotional Sexy:
– Please just stop already, you’re making me want to jump off off a bridge…

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