or Why Slut-Shaming Doesn’t Work
Slut-shaming, by its very definition, attacks women more than men.
If the point of shaming is to decrease the targeted behavior, it follows then that women should be having less sex than men. But following the shame train of thought down its reprehensible rabbithole, who then would be left for all those man-studs and man-whores to have sex with?
This leads us to one of two conclusions:
1) Everyone is having less sex.
If women get slut-shamed more than men, and this shaming works to encourage women to stop having so much sex, overall heterosexual sex rates will go down because there will be fewer women-sluts for those man-studs to have sex with.
2) Slut-shaming doesn’t work.
If heterosexual sex rates do not go down, obviously the slut-shaming is not having the desired effect. The ‘slut’ is stronger than the ‘shame.’
This 2013 study from George Mason University shows that shaming actually encourages the shamed criminal to return to his bad behavior:
“The distinction between shame and guilt may seem at first like semantic hair-splitting, but it’s actually very important in studying punishment and rehabilitation. Feelings of guilt are focused on a particular act: ‘I did a bad thing by stealing (apples).’ By contrast, feelings of shame focus painfully on the self: ‘I am a bad person because I stole (apples).’ When people are guilty – as proclaimed by a judge, for example – they experience remorse and regret, and they want to make reparations. But people who are shamed feel generally diminished, worthless – and defensive.” (Emphasis mine.)
Which leads us to conclude that slut-shaming is an all around bad idea: it makes people feel of less worth (bad for the -shamed), but it doesn’t actually change their behavior (bad for the -shamer).
- Maybe slut-shamers would be better off as slut-guilters – focusing on the behavior instead of the person. But that would require them to actually care about changing the behavior instead of just making the other person feel bad.
- Maybe this important distinction shows up slut-shamers for what they actually are interested in: diminishing the slut, not the sluttiness.
- But most maybe of all, maybe evolution will eventually sort out slut-shaming like it already has with other vestigial appendages of dysfunctional human society.
- Like religion and muscles.
or The Friend Zone Is Toxic
Does it make you uncomfortable when someone does something to you that you don’t want?
You only want to be friends if there’s no flirting involved. I only want to be friends if there’s lots of flirting involved.
It might sound mean, but I have personal reasons.
I’m attracted to you. I think you’re crazy hot.
This means one of two things.
- One, maybe you’re not attracted to me. Me being attracted to you and you not being attracted to me will create an imbalance of power in the friendship between us. Friendships based on power imbalances are toxic.
- Two, you ARE attracted to me. If you ARE attracted to me, then that also means one of two things.
- Either you’re hiding from me how you feel.
- Or you’re also lying to yourself.
- Friendships based on dishonesty or lack of self-awareness are toxic.
I’m sorry, but I can’t have toxic friendships in my life right now