dear feminists on tinder
or Etiquette at an Orgy
Dear Self-Proclaimed ‘Feminists’ on Tinder,
You say all you want is respect.
Respect takes different faces in different situations. If you showed up naked to an orgy & no one fucked you, that would be a lack of respect. If you strapped your gloves on and climbed into the ring and no one tried to punch you in the face, that would be a lack of respect.
If you have preferences about how you would like to be fucked or punched, your playmate would be wise to listen to you.
I too personally prefer a bit off warm-up before jumping off the diving board into the deep end. But just because you do, criticizing those who don’t doesn’t make you a feminist. And lurking on the fringes of social justice trying to entrap the lame, the sick, and the weak in order to attract more followers to your Twitter or Tumblr doesn’t make you a shero.
You want respect. We here at the orgy want respect too. So please respect our orgy and leave if all you’re going to do is stand in the corner and make killer comments about other people’s buzz.
In Lust and War
No should always mean no, and you are always welcome to take off your gloves to tap out, or put on your clothes to leave the orgy. But certain situations should be allowed to be commonly designated for certain things with the consent understood as a given up to a certain level unless communicated otherwise.
We’re all adults, and that’s why we invented safe words and safe actions. No one’s pushing anyone’s head down onto anyone’s cock, all are asking for permission with their human words. If you can resent even that, even here, well, you should know that there are quieter places where you might be happier.
If you think I’m condoning murder or rape, you have problems. I’m not talking about murder/rape/penetration/assault. I’m comparing a level-headed amount of consensual violence to a level-headed amount of consensual flirting. If you were a pacifist, you’d be at a peace rally, not in a cage fight. And if you don’t wanna dance, please don’t come to the dance.
Lust at First Sight
What I would like to ask all the feminists on Tinder is if, hypothetically, there could ever be a safe place where both genders could come together voluntarily with an understanding that here we are going to throw decorum out the window and say to each other very plainly and simply exactly what we would like to consensually do to each other without anyone getting offended. Could a safe place for approaching strangers mostly to ask them if we could do dirty things to them ever exist?
If not, why the fuck not. What in your moral canon prohibits to all of humanity the idea of total, pure sexual honesty with like-minded strangers?
And if so, what’s wrong with it being Tinder? Welcome to our safe place. It already exists. Enjoy it.
Eat, Pray, Lust
Whiplr is for kink. Grindr is for same sex. Bumble is for queens. Facebook is for friends. OkCupid is for romance. And Tinder is for casual.
That’s not the only thing it can be used for. Presumably you can look for a hetero hookup on Grindr or a bingo partner on Whiplr. Majority agreement doesn’t take away your free will. But right now, by the agreement of the majority of its users, it seems each of these apps has settled on a signature move, and you’re only frustrating yourself by hating on the move.
If friend requests raise your hackles, get off Facebook, because that’s what people use it for. If sexual requests rub you the wrong way, get off Tinder, because that’s what people use it for. You wouldn’t go to a concert and then complain about the loud music. There’s something for everyone, and if this is not for you, no one’s forcing you to keep swiping.
This is not feminism; this is slut-shaming of all the girls and boys who are there just to have fun and want to get right down to it. This is about as feminist as girls who criticize other girls for what they do (too sexy), what they wear (too little), or what they weigh (too skinny; too fat).
The fact that some sexual tactlessness is indicative of sexual entitlement doesn’t mean that Ask Culture is inherently wrong.
And the fact that some feminists are snarky assholes doesn’t mean that feminism is inherently wrong.