Eight? That’s All I Get?

Forget it! I got more to say on this subject than eight.

And I broke my arm so I have only one arm to type it with…


Tagged by the Haven, I have to write eight traits about my perfect partner, tell if they are male or female, then tag eight other people to do this. But stick to eight? Yeah, right. Here is an email on the subject, which I jotted down a zillion years ago (like… four. at least). Most of it I still agree with, and anyway it saves me having to T Y P E.

Dear (Name Removed),
None of this is directed to you, at you, or at anyone. This is not a sermon or a dream of mine, this is reality as it comes. Let’s see what comes.

Humor! Humor includes knowing when NOT to FORCE a laugh because there are some jokes that are just meant for rolling eyes and are not supposed to be laughed at at all.

I look for a girl who has a bit of life to her and can be extreme and weird, or at least let me be extreme and weird if I need to. I look for confidence in herself but not pride. A girl who doesn’t hate how she look, please, and doesn’t complain about how fat she is, because I think she looks great. A girl who doesn’t bury herself in workout videos for HOURS and has a good or at least a passionate taste in music, because music is life to me.

A girl who is sophisticated but not withdrawn, but happy, who knows how to smile, laugh, especially at herself. A girl who doesn’t mind going to the mall once in a while to have fun, hang out, but is not OBSESSED by it. A girl who knows what she is talking about when she talks, but not so into talking nor learning about the things she talks about that she doesn’t know when to stop and kick back.

A girl who can run around barefoot outside; hunt for four leaf clovers or dandelions even if it’s raining. A girl who appreciates avidly. Who doesn’t try to be artistic unless she has something to offer the art world. A girl who’s not afraid to sing, no matter how bad she is or thinks she is, but also knows when to just NOT sing, please.

A girl who can forgive me when I am a creep and believe that I will forgive her when she is one and admits it. A girl who won’t be ashamed to be seen making out in public but doesn’t demand it as a test of my loyalty to her. A girl who is not obsessed by sex and doesn’t think that I am (hmmm, must’ve been a long time ago. jk), but knows which end is up and is not afraid to try new things.

A girl who doesn’t mind staying up till dawn, talking, every once in a while. But not always, but knows when a guy needs his rest or his play. A girl that you can sleep with–just sleep with–and not be too timid to say that you’re too hot or too cold.

God, I could go on for days.

A girl that is not afraid or embarrassed or reluctant to tell her friends, her parents, her ex, that we care for each other, if we do, and one that when you look across a crowded room at her, she is looking back.

A girl who doesn’t spend hours on her hair, her face, but knows how to put on makeup when warranted, in a way that is consistently her own. It doesn’t have to be good, vogue, discreet, even matching, it just has to be her own, that she is proud of. A girl that dresses to kill but doesn’t whine about dresses.

And please, I know I mentioned it already but a sense of humor is so important. I have hardly met a single girl on this planet who has a sense of humor. Now I can see a million girls out there screaming in protest but honestly, to many women, humor is immaturity. That’s why there such an imbalance in the ratio of men to women comedians. And speaking of honesty, please, please, there is almost nothing more important than honesty. Honesty mixed with tact if possible, but if not, then just honesty. You hate my hairstyle, I’m singing off key, your ex had a bigger cock than me, you are depressed and borderline suicidal. It may not matter to me or be any of my business, but I will care about it if you do (if I care about you), so be honest!! –And we’ll work something out!

A girl who knows that both me and her are not perfect, don’t think we are, will never be, and is okay with that. A girl that doesn’t mind being swept off her feet occasionally and enjoys sweeping me off my feet every once in a while.

But you know what more than any of all that, which is fleeting, a girl who is dedicated to the same things, cause, Person, that I am and is proud of it. A girl that is not going to do things deliberately that will weaken her or condemn her. A girl that can be trusted, alone, on the internet. A girl who is not ashamed of saying that she is madly in love with a concept.

A girl who would give her life for the important people in her life.


And, feeling sly and suicidal, I shall tag eight people who will want to kill me. Anita (ahem.. uh.. it’s.. alphabetical!), Joan (stretch..), Sherri (I’m super interested), Alyx (become famous!!), Teresa (sorry, you’ll just have to open a blog), Mel (you’ll just finally have to post), and… Charlotte “Mouth” deGaalon (send it to me and I’ll post it).