the benefits of peeing after sex
or The Runaway Firehose
They say that when a girl comes over for a drink and suddenly she excuses herself to use the bathroom, that’s when you know you’re in.
Girls pee before sex. Guys should not. Here’s why.
I have always postulated that girls have better sex than guys. They basically control the entire interaction. They usually have the last word on consent. Multiple orgasms. And what guy can just take off his dress or put your hand on his breast and in one fell, instant, unequivocal sweep, drive you completely crazy?
But that’s a theme for another article.
Another reason girls have better sex than guys is what’s going on in their heads while they’re doing it, as opposed to what’s going on in our heads.
Girls can think about whatever they want. Their whole sexual experience can be focused on their pleasure, feeling every inch of their bodies, reveling in their sexuality, inhaling their wildest sexual fantasies.
Us guys have to basically just think about our grandmas.
Girls can orient their entire experience toward the mounting pleasure they feel, relishing it and bathing in it and allowing their climax to slowly build up inside of them. Girls can spend every second of sex trying to make themselves cum. Guys spend every second of sex trying to stop themselves from cumming.
Which is where peeing after sex comes into play. Known (from now on, ahem) as the man’s secret weapon, waiting until after sex to pee can give you that slight extra edge of uncomfortability that can help you to stave off your orgasm until she is completely satisfied.
When he feels himself nearing the point of no return, the savvy post-sex-peer can focus on that pinpoint of pain in his bladder to back himself slowly off the ledge and back down into his safe place. A full bladder combined with a particularly wrinkly grandma can be just the key to help a man weather the climax storm until his woman is completely and thoroughly spent.
At which point, given the okay from her, he can then instantly and with zero effort unleash all the demons of hell, and then quickly rush off to the bathroom.
Where he will experience the secondary benefit of peeing after sex: a socially-acceptable excuse for sitting down while peeing.
Sitting down while peeing is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. No longer having to combine balance, archery, and urination, the beauty of simply collapsing onto the seat and allowing the floodwaters to release themselves like a runaway firehose is a pleasure that almost rivals the dominant feelings of being able to stand up and pee all over stuff.
Because everyone knows that you can’t pee standing up right after sex.
That shit will go everywhere.