or Is Being a Test Subject for Deep Throating the Best Job Ever?

A friend came over yesterday and we got to talking, which is foreplay. Everything she knows about giving blowjobs, she told me, she learned from the opposite same sex. And by the opposite same sex I mean homosexual men. (A big thank you to this woman’s gay friends for many pleasant evenings.)

But there was still one thing she’d never been able to master through oral instruction, even with all the self-aware, hand-me-down experience and wisdom of the pros. She couldn’t get past a certain urge that made her eyes water and told her stomach to erupt upwards every time a cock slid deep beyond a certain no man’s land in her throat. This we set about to remedy.

She was game to put in the long hours of ongoing study and practice (50% mental and 50% physical as always) needed to up her game, and I humbly submitted to the grueling focus and discipline that the intense workout of being her study partner would entail.

We soon found out that the problem she was referring to was called the gag reflex. Heaven informed us that old sword-swallower tradition held that there were at least two if not three of these gag reflexes at different points along the throat. Fortunately, only actual sword swallowers and porn stars had to worry about anything past the first gag reflex.

Our attention spans for head stuffing proved to be limited, and the basics were simple enough: keep trying. We set up a comfortable chair in front of the huge screen spouting off all the latest deep-throating information, and I translated to Spanish as best I could while she proceeded to undress me in the necessary ways.

Lubricant was crucial to facilitating a clean and direct passage straight down the inside of her neck, and this came easily to her. As she salivated over my entire length, from tip to shaft, I struggled to keep in mind that this was no longer foreplay but only a necessary component of the research at hand.

Angles were important too. The huge screen told us that if she tilted her head backwards, the right angle between her mouth and her neck would turn into a straight line, and this would make the grand entrance worlds easier. It ended up working best if I laid on my side and she (with her head thrown back) attached to me perpendicularly at the center like a capital T.

The going wasn’t easy as we tough little researchers got going. I could feel the tightness and warmth clutching around my head every time we began to enter the noose of her throat. She would hold it as far back into her for as long as she could until finally she had to ease it out again and gasp for air. Every time we would penetrate slightly farther and hold for slightly longer even though her eyes would water.

The screen told her to stick her tongue out as far as possible when pushing me into her mouth. This created more room in the entrance of her throat and allowed her to use the retracting of her extended tongue to draw me deeper into her.

In the end, it will be a matter of perseverance, of going deeper by millimeters every time and holding for longer by milliseconds until her upper lip plants a lush kiss on the base of my stomach. Then we will work on a dazzling range of movement. She is a determined student. And I too am a diligent academic. I also love the arts.