dancing vs. sex
or Sex Is a Dance, but Dance Is Not a Sex
Some people think that Good Dancer = Good Sex. I believe there is only a fragile, superficial relationship between dancing and sex that rarely translates into real world correlation. It is possible to be good at both dancing and sex, just as it is possible to be good at both bowling and collecting stamps, but they have little bearing on each other. Here’s why.
Dancing is a rhythm.
One, nonstop, continuous rhythm following a steady beat. Within the song, the movements may change; the tempo and the accents rarely do.
Sex is not a rhythm. Sex is rhythms.
Sex is continually changing, biologically-responsive rhythms that break and crash and slow and speed up and above all adapt to ever-shifting moods in a way that dancing never could.
Dancing is about how you look, not how you feel.
The best dancers are not those who feel great about themselves, but those who conform to a strict objective standard of how a certain dance should appear. White people and Asians are generally marginalized when they dance, not because they feel any less good but because they tend to look less good (more awkward).
Sex is not about how you look. Sex is about how you feel.
Some of the best-feeling sex may look something not unlike a rhumba of rattlesnakes slithering slickly against each other in a writhing, terrifying ball of slime and scales. Or like a passel of pigs rooting at their troughs to get at the last kernel of slop. Or like a rhumba of rattlesnakes swallowing a passel of pigs whole. Sex discards looks for feelings in a way that dancing could never understand.
Dancing that looks great is real.
Dancing that looks good is usually an indicator of an intense emotional/psychological connection between the partners.
Sex that looks great – and steamy and tantalizing and picture perfect – is usually fake.
The indicators of intense emotional/psychological connection between sexual partners have nothing to do with observing how they look together. Sexual connection may be intangible to any but the two (or more) people involved and can be all but undetectable to the outside world. Only you two can say for sure exactly how deeply connected you are. Sex finds the essence of its connection less in practiced-movements-performed-robotically-to-synchronous-perfection and more in the organic flow of actual connection.
Porn, on the other hand, is not about how you feel.
Porn is about how you look. Good dancers might not necessarily be very good in bed, but they make great porn stars.
PS: For the purposes of this article, don’t confuse dancing with grooving. Dancing involves steps and systems and choreographies and performances. Grooving just involves music for your body to interpret in the way it feels best, as well as, occasionally, alcohol. Grooving is not dancing at all. But grooving is a lot like sex.