All Millennials should make a sex tape while they’re young. Your sex tape is your backup plan, just in case you don’t get rich and famous with your Plan A.
By all means, keep studying nutrition or makeup or improv comedy, or whatever sparkly pseudo-career you believe will be your primary path to the prosperity and adulation you deserve.
But have that sex tape in your back pocket just in case it doesn’t work out. Here are a few tips for making your sex tape:
- Both partners must agree to share full creative control. That way, if one of you doesn’t like how it came out, you have the peace of mind to know that you can just throw that scene away and try again.
- It’s important to sincerely commit to making the film sexy, passionate, and beautiful. You owe it to your future fans.
- Many amateur male porn stars find that the increased expectations of being in front of a camera may give them performance anxiety. Bring Viagra just in case.
- There is a reverse pay gap in porn industry earnings. A 60-40 percentage split in her favor is a reasonable place to start your profit negotiations (assuming both parties invest equally – presumably zero at the beginning – in production and marketing).
- Keep in mind that her face and body will be the film’s center of attention. As the star of the film, she can expect a lot more of both the inconveniences and the opportunities from the film than he.
- If you aren’t comfortable with appearing on camera, wear a mask or an eyeshade. Mardi Gras masks can be both sexy and concealing without distracting from the action.
- You can either just set the camera somewhere and forget about it, or film from his and/or her point of view. POV scenes are all the rage.
Walter White would definitely vote for fellow empire-builder Trump.
You know Jesse Pinkman was hardcore Trump, bitch.
Saul Goodman probably voted Trump.
One sociopath to another, Dexter would be a killer Trump voter.
FBI agents & conspiracy theorists Mulder & Scully would have hated Hillary, voted Trump.
As a friend & supporter of the hacking community, I can see how Mr. Trump might have even appealed to Mr. Robot.
Barney Stinson would have been a legendary Trump supporter.
The entire Modern Family would be huge Trump cheerleaders (yes, even Gloria, statistically speaking).
All of the Sopranos would have taken great pleasure in voting for Trump.
Those adorable kids on Stranger Things? -All their fictional parents would have been fictional Trump voters.
The entire Lannister family INCLUDING Tyrion– definitely Trump voters.
Yer darn tootin’ sure all the characters in Fargo voted Trump.
Fellow millionaire Bruce Wayne would definitely vote for the President the US deserves: Donald Trump.
Frank Underwood would’ve voted Hillary.
As the mature & adult thing to do, Seinfield would definitely NOT have voted for Hillary.
Joey, Chandler, Ross, Rachel – all your favorite Friends characters would be big Trump supporters.
Ash & all of the Evil Dead definitely moonlighted as Trump supporters, baby.
No question, Rick Grimes would have voted Trump. For Carl.
Daryl & Carol would have definitely voted Trump. Glenn probably would have voted Hillary (had his head not been split open).
Don Draper would have voted Trump like there was no tomorrow.
Piper Chapman would probably be a Trump supporter.
Oliver Queen would totally have voted Trump. (Hillary failed his city.)
And you KNOW Archer Sterling was one shitsnacking proud idiot Trump voter.
1. She never wants to hang out and talk about her feelings; she just wants to come over, have dirty nasty sex, then leave.
2. She always comes over to your place, you never go to hers. You never have to get up, drive somewhere, put pants on – you don’t even have to get out of bed.
3. She never wants to go out to eat, go out to the movies, hold hands and go ice-skating. Romantic dinners, romantic comedies, and romantic evenings are off the menu.
4. She never calls just to say hello or to tell you about her day or about her mom’s health or the funny things her cat does. She only texts you when she wants sex. It’s always just, ‘Hey, wanna hang out and get crazy?’
5. After you have sex with her, you often don’t hear from her for days, sometimes weeks. She completely disappears, and you have to console yourself with video games, weed, and hanging out with your friends – until she shows up and wants sex again!
6. She’s always unavailable on major holidays. She doesn’t let you go with her on Thanksgiving or Christmas to meet her parents. You don’t get to buy her expensive gifts and treat her to fancy restaurants on Valentine’s Day. She never bugs you when you forget your anniversary.
7. She never wants to sleep at your place. She never hogs the whole blanket, never pushes you to a corner of your own bed while she’s sprawled out over the rest, never wakes you up with her snoring… because she’s simply not there. It’s just sex, sex, sex; then she takes off and leaves you the entire bed and all the big fluffy pillows all to yourself.
8. You’re happy all the time.
9. She doesn’t insist you change your status on Facebook to something dreamy and claimed and taken. She doesn’t make you tell all your friends that you are now an owned man, or force you to distance yourself from your other girl friends.
10. If you tell her you’re a little busy at the moment, she understands.
11. She gives you a lot of space to do your own thing, live your own life.