sex: vegans, carnivores, and apex predators
Straight men are the vegans of human sexuality.
They decline to partake of any meat, any meat-related product, or anything vaguely associated with meat in any way. At the slightest whiff of meat in the kitchen, straight men will have a fit and run for the door.
Although there are exceptions, many vegans tend to be quite intolerant of creatures who do consume meat and have trouble understanding the viewpoints and proclivities of other types of eaters. Also, although there are many dietary vegans whose bodies are structured for a strictly herbivorous diet, there are also still a good many ethical vegans whose bodies can metabolize meat but who refuse to for belief-related reasons.
Gay men are the carnivores of sexuality. They eat only meat (and lots of it).
Just the thought of vegetables makes these carnivores heave. These carnivores are hunters not gatherers. They have high protein requirements and low tolerance for anything but animal flesh and organs.
Many ‘obligate’ carnivores have evolved characteristics specifically designed for the capture and infiltration of prey, including speed, muscularity, and directness. Some gay men hunt solo, exhibiting lone wolf characteristics, and some hunt in packs. Some carnivores are committed to the consumption of only one animal for their entire lifespan, while others have very diverse diets that include many species of animal.
While vegans and carnivores both like to assume the appearance of dominance in their particular habitats, when it comes to sexuality, bisexuals are beyond doubt the omnivorous apex predators.
With the ability to consume both plant and animal matter, bisexuals are at the top of the food chain. They can eat carnivores and vegans as well as fruits and vegetables and even carnivorous plants.
But just because they can, that’s not to say that if it moves (or doesn’t move), these apex predators will eat it. Just because the bisexual’s palate is diverse enough to include all types of nutrients doesn’t mean that the well-fed omnivore is purloined of the privilege of being picky.
In fact, with so many options on the menu, bisexuals often find themselves able to enjoy the luxury of being finicky, gourmet eaters to a greater extent than any of the other ‘-vores.’ After all, if you enjoy Bacon as much as Taco, you have many more options and much greater ‘choosing power’ than those who just eat one or the other.
Unfortunately, this greater power also puts these omnivores in a position of greater disdain and disapproval by jealous vegans and carnivores, both of which may feel their nutritional orientations and identities destabilized and even threatened by acknowledging the existence of an apex predator. Just as carnivores are often excluded from herbivorous communities, omnivores are often excluded from both herbivorous and carnivorous communities. Such is the price of being a predator.
Bisexuals tend to take little notice of their own erasure, however, and simply tuck in their napkins and keep eating.