sexual dares sexylittleideas
or 11 Exasperating Ways to “Spice” up Your Sex Life


Role-playing and rim jobs are so ten years ago.

The perfect dare is both sexy and imaginative with a thorny twist that takes it from good, clean fun to a slightly uncomfortable-yet-unforgettable adventure. It’s no fun to dare Phoebe to kiss Sammy once you’re all adults and your crushing days are over. But it might be fun for Phoebe and Sammy to dip their lips in Hershey’s syrup, sprinkles, and mustard and try a Candy-Coated Mustard Kiss of Death by Chocolate.

Here are 11 great annoying-yet-sexy, uncomfortable-yet-unforgettable dares that can turn any small study group of friends into a real party.


1. The Nagging Lapdance
We’ll kick things off with an easy one to get your blood warming. The Nagging Lapdance is just like a regular lapdance except that the dancer must not stop nagging at the dancee. Make them feel terrible about enjoying your moves, and not in a good way. You can talk about the ways in which your ex was a better person than them or just complain about your shitty childhood. Talk about how sick you are of your job, or about how a good guy has character and would never enjoy the objectification of a human being shaking their round ass in his face like this.


2. The Condom Kiss
Condoms are annoying at best when they’re necessary, and they’re absolutely intolerable when used out of context. For the Condom Kiss, either just the recipient of the dare or both participants put a condom on their tongues and make out. All the steamy, French sensuality, and none of the feeling.


3. The Reverse Striptease
For the Reverse Striptease, you will start completely naked and put on clothes in a sensual manner until you’re completely clothed. Go to a different room to undress so you can make your first appearance naked, but be sure to keep your clothes nearby and handy. Also, the thicker the layers you end up with, the better. At the end you will just be fully clothed and sensually putting on a coat.


4. The Phone Erotic Massage
In this dare, you get an erotic massage! Unfortunately though, you have to maintain polite phone conversation the entire time with a relative or platonic friend or coworker. Calling your boss or your dad is a great way to keep it edgy but is only for dare experts. The masseuse should start off slowly but may end up doing anything erotic they like to you, and you are not allowed to stop them until you finally give in and hang up.


5. The Popsicle Dildo
Self-explanatory. It’s wet, but it’s cold. How much can you take?


6. Broken Penis Telephone
This dare requires two woman and one willing man. One woman places her lips over the tip of the man’s penis, and the other places her ear to the shaft. The first woman speaks into the mouthful of penis, and the second one tries to decipher and relay what she says. (A variation of what has also been known, in the more racist past, as Chinese Telephone or Chinese Whispers.)


7. Silent Cunnilingus
This dare should preferably be performed on a woman who finds it hard to be quiet in bed. Perform regular, mind-blowing cunnilingus on the recipient, who must keep completely silent. If even the tiniest sound comes out of her throat, the tongue lashing will stop.


8. The Dirty-Talking Mouse
This can be performed by either a man or a woman who is well-versed in talking dirty. Perform the sex act of your choice to your partner while talking dirty to them in a mouse voice, cartoon voice, or other least-sexual vocal impression of your choice. It’s over when your partner laughs.


9. The Full Bladder 69
One of the most annoying dares on the list, the Full Bladder 69 is mutual oral sex performed with full bladders. Fill up beforehand by chugging a few beers or a bottle of water. When you are both ready to burst, assume the 69 position, and give your partner the experience of his and her life. The first one who can stand it no longer and rushes off to the bathroom, loses.


10. Horsey Style
Performed by a man to a receiving woman, horsey style is like doggy style, but grab her hair like reins in mid-coitus and turn her to the right or left, tell her to giddy up or to whoa, slow down.


11. The Jalapeño Blowjob
Only for annoying-yet-sexual daremasters, the Jalapeño Blowjob involves a chili pepper and oral sex and is exactly what it sounds like. BE SURE TO WASH OUT BOTH YOUR MOUTH AND MEMBER AFTER PERFORMING THIS DARE AND BEFORE PERFORMING ANYTHING ELSE.