why pick-up artists are like feminists
or Gasp, He Didn’t Just Say That!
I’m not a feminist. And I’m not a pick-up artist. But I wish they could both just get along.
They are very much alike, you see.
PUA and feminism both started as an enthusiastic response to an inequality between the genders (whether real, imagined, or exaggerated, it’s not my place to say). Feminism is a response to centuries of patriarchal society. PUA is nothing more than a response to decades of feminism.
Demonstrations of Higher Value
Feminism took the undervalued women of its heyday and attempted to correct the value gap (men held all the cards in the government and the workplace) by giving more value to its women. PUA then came along, saw the value gap that was emerging between attractive women and average men and attempted to correct it (women held all the cards in courtship) by giving more value to its men.
Neither school of thought officially promotes one gender ending up with more value than the other. Feminists insist all they want is equality. Pick-up artists want to match their value as closely to the woman’s as possible, because if they over- or undershoot, it’s a lot less likely that they’ll get laid.
PUA is about making you more attractive as a man. Feminism is about making you more powerful as a woman. The little childish tips early pick-up artists gave are the same thing early feminists did with their early vitriol that sounded like man-hating to the inexperienced ear, but was actually just an immature, over-corrective attempt at equality. Also, it worked. Both of those things got results.
Approach Anxiety, Location, Rapport
PUA is about getting over the fear of approaching women – a fear that has really only developed in recent years as a cowardly response to the overly-aggressive feminist movement.
Pickup is mostly done in bars (yes, there is supermarket pickup and day pickup, etc, but mostly) – bars and clubs where the playing field is already so tilted toward women that men have to scramble and struggle to just break even much less get on top. (See my human trafficking post.)
I look at PUA as men’s way of getting back to connecting with all of you beautiful, smart, exasperating women after your feminist movement did its inadvertent best to pull the sexes apart. We want to get close to you again. We want to establish a rapport that attracts you to us sexually, not just in a friendly way.
Peacocking, Shit Tests, False Disqualifiers, Screening: Role Reversal
Much of pick-up art as i understand it is about using women’s own tricks on them. If you don’t like PUA tricks, look deep inside yourself and tell me when’s the last time you didn’t peacock with makeup, a sexy dress, and heels. When’s the last time you didn’t yearn to be the center of attention. When’s the last time you didn’t make a man earn the right to your attention. When did you not make a man jump through your hoops.
I’ve heard a lot of complaints from feminists about negging, but I think I understand it differently than they do. Negging as an official pick-up method: only works with and should only be used on girls with high self-esteem. (If you know me and you’re thinking, “Dude, then you’re doing it all wrong,” newsflash; I don’t neg; I’m not a pick-up artist; I’m just a sarcastic, blunt person with absolutely no filter.)
If you are in the target range (high self-esteem), you will love a guy who is not obsessed/affected by your beauty and who can just be playful with you instead of worshiping you. If you’re not stuck-up… I mean, if you don’t have high self-esteem, if you have low or just healthily average self-esteem, negs will only push you away. Everything I’ve read on the subject clearly reiterates that it’s all about drawing the woman to you, not pushing her away; equalizing your value (if she thinks she’s all that), not making her feel bad (if she doesn’t).
Goals of the Game
All the silly “tricks” and “lines” of pick-up art are really just practice steps, training wheels toward the goals in this list that you can read in Neil Strauss’ ‘The Game’: “To believe that I was attractive to women; to live in my own reality; to stop worrying about what other people thought of me; to move and speak with an air of strength, confidence, mystery, and depth; to get over my fear of sexual rejection; and, of course, to attain a sense of worthiness, which Rasputin defined as the belief that one deserves the best the world has to offer.”
Sound familiar, feminists?
Feminism tries to even out the genders so both get equal say about where we work and who we vote for. Pickup, or man-feminsim, with a man’s typical silly obsession with sex, tries to even out the genders so both get equal say about who we sleep with.
So, for pickup and feminism both, your self-help and your empowerment may seem silly to some people, but your end goal of gender equality is great!
The Rape Myth
Again, I am not an expert on PUA but absolutely nowhere have I seen anything about rape in any form. So enough bullshit already, feminists.
PUA is not about rape. It’s stupid that someone even has to say this, but duh.
True, comma, pickup is about making it easy for sex to occur, but like you feminists came up with yourselves, rape is not about sex, it’s about humiliation.
PUA has never been about humiliation.
PUA is about sex.
Not rape. Not in any stretched definition of the word.
I also don’t believe, like many men do, that feminism is about matriarchy and humiliating men. Although a few feminists can get a little rape-y (humiliating) with men, I believe their end goals are pure and beautiful.
I think getting a little feminism wouldn’t hurt for a lot of pick-up artists. And as a sex advice columnist, I think getting laid a little bit more sure wouldn’t hurt for a lot of feminists.